


for gods sake

by redskieskath



Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Shadowhunter Chronicles - Cassandra Clare
Genre: M/M, One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-24
Updated: 2019-12-24
Packaged: 2021-02-18 16:31:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 320
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21930427
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/redskieskath/pseuds/redskieskath
Relationships: Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood
Kudos: 12





	for gods sake

Fucking missing him hurt more than hellfire. It felt like the worst of his fears and his hatreds were eating him from the inside out while the world around him squeezed him tighter and tighter. And yet nothing in him truly wanted to go back, Because he deserved this. They both deserved this. Alec, for betraying the only man he loved. And him, for trusting another person. He knows better. He should know better. I don't know why he hasn't learned. 

Alec's eyes were blue as they lied to him. Bluer, perhaps, than normally, bluer than true blue. So, why had he lied? Why had he been stupid enough to get caught? 

Missing him hurt, but giving in to him would kill him. Magnus would die under the shame and the anger and the disappointment he would feel if he gave in. So, he would suffer. He would not give in. They would stay separated, broken up, broken. They would stay broken and alone forever until Alec died and Magnus kept on living, alone and longing for ever and ever and never-ending for this one boy he never should have trusted in the first place, who he thought he _loved_ , for mercy's sake. 

This wasn't worth crying over. And yet. The tears weren't tears, they were sobs, they were anguish, and it was ridiculous because how little of his life did he spend with this boy? 

_How happy were you in those short littles?_ whispered the voice in his head that was begging for pining and loving and Alec. 

The rest of his brain screamed NO, screamed _you can't!_ , screamed _you're definitely overreacting._ He was gonna scream. He was gonna absolutely lose his mind. 

_How much longer?,_ whispered the hope. 

_Too long,_ whispered Magnus.

 _You have forever,_ whispered his logic.

 _He doesn't,_ whispered his heart.

 _I need him_ , whispered Magnus.

 _For gods sake then,_ whispered his love, _go get him_. 


End file.
